The Truth About Death The Kid
by OLD USERNAME DON'T FOLLOW
Summary: Yes, they're based off Chuck Norris jokes. I edited them a little. Remember to review! Updates are monthly.
1. Set 1

If you had $4.44 and Death the Kid had $4.44, Kid would take your $4.44 to make $8.88, then rejoice about the symmetry of the number.

Death The Kid's white blood cells have a skull on them to signify that they are mini-shinigamas. They will stop at nothing to destroy asymmetrically shaped viruses, which is why Kid can't get sick.

"Guns don't kill Kishins. Death The Kid does." It was this statement that gave Kid a skull fracture and Liz a broken hand.

If Death The Kid asked you what the time was, and you said "7:00," Kid would shoot you. If you said "8:00," Kid would scream "HALLELUJAH!"

When sending in taxes, Death The Kid instead mails a recording of Excalibur's voice. Due to this, Kid has never had to pay taxes.

Death The Kid's advice? GET SYMMETRICAL.

Crona can deal with things. She just wants to know how Death The Kid does it.

Death The Kid does not break wind. He shatters it.

When the Hulk sees something asymmetrical, he turns into Death The Kid.

To his distress, the opposite sides of Death The Kid always add up to seven.

If you see a blockade around a Picasso painting, it's not for saving the painting from you, it's for saving it from Death The Kid.

Contrary to popular belief, Death The Kid is the most venomous creature on Earth, not the Australian blue-ringed octopus. Within three minutes of being bitten, a victim experiences the following: fever, blurred vision, the feeling of being shot repeatedly, and continually hearing the phrase "YOU ASYMMETRICAL GARBAGE!"

Egypt prided themselves on never having to worry about a pyramid being destroyed. Then Death The Kid dropped by. (See _Soul Eater_ Episode 3.)

Superman wears Death The Kid pajamas.

**Patty:** Sis,is it possible to silence nothing? **Liz:** Yeah, if you're Death The Kid.

Someone once said to Death The Kid that something doesn't have to be symmetrical to be beautiful. This has been recorded as the worst mistake in the history of the world.

The only reason why Death The Kid never won an Emmy for being on "Soul Eater" is because no one in their right mind would give something asymmetrical. It's akin to asking for immediate death. (I Googled "emmy award." They actually _are_ asymmetrical.)


	2. Set 2

Superman wears Death The Kid pajamas.

**Patty:** Sis,is it possible to silence nothing? **Liz:** Yeah, if you're Death The Kid.

Someone once said to Death The Kid that something doesn't have to be symmetrical to be beautiful. This has been recorded as the worst mistake in the history of the world.

The only reason why Death The Kid never won an Emmy for being on "Soul Eater" is because no one in their right mind would give something asymmetrical. It's akin to asking for immediate death. (I Googled "emmy award." They actually _are_ asymmetrical.)

Somewhere right now, Death The Kid is shooting a Kishin that isn't symmetrical.

There about 88 symmetrical items in an ordinary house that Death The Kid could use to kill someone. Fortunately, no one has told him this.

Death The Kid's tears cure asymmetry. Too bad he has never cried.

When Asura goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Death The Kid.

Death The Kid knows _exactly_ what time he went to sleep (8:00).

Death The Kid is so fast, he can ring eight doorbells at the same time.

Death The Kid can check his Facebook on a typewriter.

If you have $8.00 and Death The Kid has $8.00, it means he has more money than you.


	3. Set 3

The chief export of Death The Kid is symmetry.

Death The Kid CAN count his chickens before they hatch.

Medusa once turned into a snake and bit Kid. Eight days later, she died in excruciating pain.

Death The Kid is why Waldo is hiding.

Death The Kid counted to infinity. Eight times.

Death The Kid took a math quiz and put down "Symmetry" for every question. Death The Kid solves all problems with symmetry.

If it looks asymmetrical, but Death The Kid says it's symmetrical, then it's f******g symmetrical.

Death The Kid doesn't need a miracle to split the ocean. It just knows when to run like hell.


	4. Set 4

On the eighth day, God created Death The Kid. Then they chilled out and watched _Naruto_.

Death The Kid was originally supposed to be in the new _Mortal Kombat_ game, but had to be edited out because every button made him shoot with Liz and Patty. When someone asked him about this "glitch," he replied, "That isn't a glitch."

Death The Kid can mathematically make two wrongs equal a right.

Death The Kid invented the Spanish language because he liked the word _ocho_ and needed a language to use it in context.

88. That's how many people Death The Kid has symmetrified in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.

Death The Kid invented Thomas Edison.

The first alphabet included the letters K, I, and D. Other letters eventually had to be invented to describe things that were not epic.

Every time Death The Kid shoots someone, an angel gets its Sanzu Lines.


End file.
